10. “Okay, we impaled the heads, now what?”
You’re on a fantasy adventure, and maybe you’re trying to convince someone that the local lord is a ruthless tyrant. Or, perhaps you need to trick someone into thinking your army is more powerful and merciless than it is. Or, maybe you’re evil and just like impaling heads on things. Either way, bust this one out at a dinner party, and you likely won’t be invited back.
9. “I say we just set it all on fire.”
The “just set it all on fire” approach sometimes works on a fantasy adventure. Horde of zombies causing issues? Just set it all on fire. Evil ice monster ravaging the northern town? Just set it all on fire. Bad guy’s about to use an ancient ritual to make himself all-powerful? Just set it all on fire. But unless your guests are just really that into charred entrees, “just set it all on fire” is not something they want to hear when they sit down at your table.
8. “This is the same meal they poisoned the king with.”
Okay, to be fair, there might be certain very specific dinner party scenarios where this one might actually work. For example, if you’re throwing a theme party about dead royals throughout history. Unless that’s the case, though, better save this one for when you’re carousing with your fellow adventurers at the tavern and need a fun fact for team building.
7. “My friend ate this once, and he couldn’t stand for a week.”
This one might prove helpful in convincing a local to give you information on a fantasy adventure. What’s more intimidating than a warrior with a stomach so powerful he can down the disgusting manticore-roast and not bat an eye? Still, finding out that your signature dish causes debilitating intestinal problems is likely not the lively dinner conversation your guests are hoping for at a party.
6. “There wasn’t much meat under all that armor.”
Whether you’re performing a ritual that involves ingesting a dead foe to divine information or just so lost and hungry in the wilderness that consuming the enemy becomes a necessity for survival, on a fantasy adventure, this one might just be a statement of fact. At a dinner party, it is likely to raise uncomfortable questions for everyone.
5. “See, I told you the poison would cook out.”
Sometimes, when hunting a delicious monster for bounty or survival, you might have no choice but to use a poisoned weapon to end its life. Discussions of whether poison will cook out of strange meat are not uncommon under such conditions. But whip this one out a dinner party, and you should expect that any guest who stays won’t be sampling that dish.
4. “Maybe the healer shouldn’t eat this? Just in case.”
You might be worried that the villagers are trying to knock you out to serve up as a sacrifice. You might be concerned that your travel rations have gone bad. Or you might just be paranoid after hearing that the local lord was poisoned recently. In any event, having the party healer eat a different meal from everyone else is just a matter of pragmatism. Serving a medical doctor their own separate meal “just in case” at a dinner party may just get the health department called on you.
3. “Even this will taste good after what we’ve been through.”
What horrible thing did you just go through? How bad must it have been that you would feel the need to say that? And how awful is this dish that a person needs to go through something terrible for it to taste good? These are not questions you want guests to be asking at a dinner party.
2. “Hey, which of these vials is the poison again?”
Mixing up your poisons and strength potions on a fantasy adventure is an understandable mistake. Annoying and potentially deadly, yes, but understandable. At a dinner party, this is entirely unacceptable. If your poisons are not clearly labeled, you should not be hosting a dinner party, full stop.
1. “Put down the ax! That chicken is your husband!”
Whether the husband in question is a shapeshifter who can’t seem to change back, the victim of a witch’s curse, or just really new at the whole magic thing, saying this isn’t outside the realm of possibility on an adventure. At a dinner party, this one will get you raised eyebrows at best or a trip to the funny farm at worst.
